Just as pizza has an essential list of fundamental ingredients - crust, sauce, cheese - varieties from New York, Chicago, and California are barely recognizable as the same dish. Scotch is no different from pizza in that respect, although from opposite ends of a hangover. Each corner of the country produces its own unique take, resulting in sharply contrasting flavor profiles. Technically, as decreed on high by the 2009 SWR, there are 5 recognized regions of scotch whisky production: Highland, Lowland, Speyside, Islay, and Campbeltown (with arguably a 6th distinct region, 'Island' which gets lumped into the Highland category by people who like to fuss about such things).
Here are some overly simplistic generalizations about the characteristics of each region, as well as a few recognizable brands representing them:
Speyside
At last count, there were 109 fully licensed distilleries in all of Scotland, and more than half operate out of the Speyside region. These are your classic elegantly complex malts; however, there is no one unifying characteristic amongst them other than their geographical proximity to the River Spey. Many Speyside malts are finished in Spanish sherry casks, giving them pleasingly sweet fruity aromas and deep, rich finish on the tongue. Others may have delicate floral notes, honey, vanilla, maybe with a touch of citrus. Even scotch virgins will have at least heard of their most prolific producers: Glenfiddich, Glenlivet. and Macallan. If there were such a thing as a 'scotch enthusiast starter kit', it would probably include a 12 year old bottle of each of those three as a jumping off point.
Highland
By area, the largest whisky-producing region (albeit geographically incongruous), and known for its rugged terrain. Highland scotch whisky includes many of my personal favorites, at least among the more moderately priced single malts. Many are known for malt forward flavor, notes of heather and honey, and warming finishes. Seaside distilleries, such as Oban or Old Pulteney, can have a pleasantly salty note from its exposure to the sea air. Glenmorangie, Dalwhinnie, and Dalmore all fit this category and shouldn't be too hard to find. Same goes for the catch-all 'Island' group: Talisker (Isle of Skye), Jura (Isle of Jura), and Highland Park (Orkney Islands).
Pronounced EYE-luh, there is no mistaking an Islay malt. These are the smoky, peat bombs your grandfather warned you about (dad drinks Michelob Ultra, pity). Years ago, I tried to order a Laphroaig at a scotch bar in Old Town Alexandria, and was told with a straight face, "You're not ready". I was insulted at the time, later amused, and eventually intrigued. In retrospect, he was absolutely right. These are whiskys you work up to, and will be richly rewarded for the effort. Try too soon and you will scar your palate for life. These whiskys are practically a different beverage than those delicate Speyside malts you were sipping at your boss's open bar wedding at the Jefferson Hotel. Islay malts will have you searching for bagpipes on eBay. Examples include Lagavulin, Bruichladdich, and self-proclaimed peatiest of them all, Ardbeg.
Lowland
Despite being home to the two major population centers of Scotland, Glasgow and Edinburgh, there are only 3 distilleries (2 if the taxman has his way with Bladnoch; *update - he did) from the Lowlands putting bottles on shelves. Three more have begun production, but have yet to release anything until properly aged. Besides Auchentoshan, you might also come across Glenkinchie at the Carytown ABC store, always the best bet for the hard to find stuff.
Campbeltown
Rarer still here in Richmond are the elusive Campbeltown malts. Once proclaimed the "whisky capital of the world", the region has shrunk from 28 distilleries to three, and only recently regained their recognition as one of the five regions. Springbank, Glengyle (aka Kilkerran), and Glen Scotia. I have no personal knowledge or experience with any of these, and almost everything I've said so far was taken straight from Wikipedia. Happy hunting!
The only remaining major consideration when choosing your next dram is its age statement, which we'll get into when we talk about 'cask aging', but enough reading for now.
Ahem. Pardon me, bartender...
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